Stuff to Rock Your World.

The Taming of the Shrews

I just can't help myself - while there are probably more important things to write about like world affairs, social responsibility and other heady matters like my friends are so good at, lately I feel compelled to share my parenting stories...

Which brings me to the latest...My youngest daughter Gina is a junior in high school and is on the water polo team. You gotta realize that Tamalpais High in Mill Valley is not known for its strength in sports. In fact, while the youth at this school have won national Mock Trial championships and regularly win at the State level, athletics...well, pretty much suck! I spent recent years in the football bleachers with other desperate parents, watching defeat upon defeat as my son doggedly pursued one measly touchdown - let alone a victory! But I digress...

So Tam High is not a sports school. Got it. So what coach in his or her right mind would ever want to work at such a place?! I really can't say because I have never really had the opportunity to know any of them for any length of time to be able to eek out the question. In the sports my kids have been involved with in high school, it's pretty much been a revolving door.

It's been especially painful watching these poor coaches try to work with high school girls. Picture this: twenty or so teens, all talking at the same time, giggling, gossiping, and basically being catty towards each other, seeing pool time as a time to visit and catch up. Meanwhile, on deck, this poor coach is trying to get them to do drills. You get the picture. As I said, revolving door.

Enter Coach Brandon Williams, Tam's new water polo coach. I have not yet met this guy as school has only been in session one week, but from what I can see, he is definitely different. Clearly, he wants to win. And clearly, he seems to know what it takes to win. From what I can see, he's starting with a regimen. 

And he is setting out to tame the shrews.

6 am practice 5 days a week. (Today the girls had to do some pretty intense exercises...you try doing lunges up and down the gym...12 times back and forth, and you can see how Gina tonight is unable to climb a flight of stairs!)

7:45-9:45 pm pool practice on most nights, with one night a week being another "dryland" practice for strength training.

Most important for his tenure's success, he has instituted "Shut-The-Hell-Up-Week" where if the girls speak, he adds up the syllables uttered, and anything totaling over 10 syllables - for the entire group during an entire two hour practice - results in major practice punishment - sprints and the like at the end of an already grueling day of practice. 

Gina tells me that she has never been to a practice where there was virtually no word uttered, but this actually happened last night. Today, she can barely walk, but she plans on being back for more abuse first thing tomorrow morning at 6am.

Sometimes, all it takes is one person with vision to build a program. Who knows, maybe this coach will build something great for the school, achievements that all kids can be proud of.

He certainly started on the right foot. Before you can win, you must tame the shrews. 

Stay tuned. We'll see how goes the season!

--C.L.C.

The Keeper of My Children's Cat...

When your kids are young and you give them a pet, you never really contemplate what'll happen when they grow up, leave for school or their own life, and leave the pet behind. Dogs usually have a shorter life span, so maybe there isn't as great a chance that they will survive long enough to experience the exodus. But cats are entirely different. They live long, long lives.

Enter Rudy. My oldest daughter Laura's 18-lb orange tabby.

This cat is 10 years old, quite overweight, and with a very large personality that matches his girth.

He lived his early years curled up and spilling out of a box on her desk as she did her homework. He scratched and bit to make sure everyone knew his lion-like ambitions and that he was on top. He was definitely Laura's cat. Then Laura left for college.

So Rudy moved on to become my son Patrick's cat. He lived on his bed or on backpacks or stacks of papers - any least comfortable spot, Rudy would curl. He still randomly bit - only to find out that Patrick would not quite tolerate it the same way Laura did, so Rudy would find himself drop-kicked across the room. But Rudy would relentlessly come right back - needy as he was for attention, on his own terms, of course. Then Patrick left for college. 

So Rudy moved on to become my youngest daughter Gina's cat. He moved in to her room, slept on her bed and other very uncomfortable places. He stopped the biting, as he probably figured that he had established his place in the household (and maybe Patrick's training helped a bit as well). Then Gina left for an extended summer vacation.

Suddenly the children's quarters were empty. 

So Rudy bit the bullet and moved on to become my cat. He chose to move upstairs - once-foreign territory has now become hallowed ground. He follows me everywhere. Sleeps by my side. Curls up in my computer case - of course the most uncomfortable spot he can find. Lies down in front of the keyboard as I am trying to work. Waits outside the tub as I take a shower. And lies on the bathroom counter as I get dressed.

I now realize that I have become the keeper of my children's cat. I tolerate his grooming in the middle of the night, his paw seeking out my hand to give him pets, his walking on my keyboard as I type, his yowls screaming for attention. 

Rudy is teaching me some great life lessons: the need for humility to know that it's okay to be at the bottom of the totem pole - I guess I'm better than nothing; and the need for adaptability for what life throws at you - if something changes, make do and find happiness regardless.

It's also comforting to know that as soon as the kids are in the house, he's back downstairs, waking them up in the middle of the night.

--C.L.C.

 

Is the 12,000-Calorie-a-Day-Diet for You?

How many of you skip breakfast? Or maybe you slam a quick bagel and coffee as you rush to the office? Imagine ingesting the following - just as you begin your day:

— three fried egg sandwiches with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions, and mayo
— one five-egg omelets
— a bowl of grits
— three slices of French toast with powdered sugar
— three chocolate chip pancakes
— two cups of coffee

Welcome to Michael Phelps' diet! This guy is amazing - and to accomplish amazing feats requires an amazing amount of energy. During his training season, he eats a high-fat, high-carbohydrate diet so that he can have the energy required to win.

So what's his lunch like? Phelps drinks 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks, one pound of pasta with tomato sauce (YUM!) and two large ham and cheese sandwiches with mayo on white bread.

Dinner? 6-8 slices of pizza, another pound of pasta (YUM, YUM!) with tomato sauce and another 1,000 calories of energy drinks.

And this is what the guy looks like:

Hummm...Guess if we could all dig deep and swim 43 miles each week, we, too could eat 12,000 calories a day and finally have a physique worth flaunting!

--C.L.C.

Slugs can dream, too...

The Beijing Olympics opened last night to great fanfare - what a show! Athletes are already competing, dreaming big dreams, winning and losing.. 

But, can slugs dream, too?

Clearly, advertisers are out in full force as well, flexing their might, trying to win share of mind - and pocketbook. 

I must say, this one is quite Clever!

--C.L.C.

Why Does Time Warp?

I am befuddled by the fact that when you are young, boredom rules the day. I remember hot, lazy summer days with my friend Suey, rolling around on the floor, eating Cheetos and grapes (don't even ask me why!), watching soap operas, absolutely BORED TO TEARS! 

After college came the job, followed by marriage, followed by children...Days warped in to weeks, weeks in to months and months in to years - each picking up speed along the way. 

In this time warp, the urgent often overtakes the important. Priorities often overtake passions. Dreams get put on hold.

While your interests begin to multiply, the time to do them all begins to shrink. 

In this time warp, you realize that your life's speed just will keep accelerating. 

Do the important. Make passions a priority. Make time for your interests. Follow your dreams.

You never know when your time warp will be up...

 

Oh, and sit back and smile when you see your kids bored to tears on the floor. Their time warp will come.

--C.L.C.